One of the kids who used to be in Pathfinders approached me a while back and asked me to buy some cookies to support her field hockey team. Because I am a huge supporter of field hockey, and because I love cookies so much (one of those is a lie! can you guess which one?), I bought two boxes.

I would have bought three boxes, but they were a bit pricey. Fundraisers are like that. They came in last week, and she delivered them to us. Tonight I was feeling a bit peckish, so I popped 18 into the oven: nine oatmeal raisin (mmmm) and nine chocolate chip (for the rest of the family to share). Chocolate chip is OK I guess, but oatmeal raisins are the ultimate. The third box would have been peanut butter. I wanted it to be the second box, but then I would have been the only one in my family who would have been exceedingly joyous about the cookie purchase.

I baked them for 10 minutes. The instructions suggested 10-12, and since I wanted them as soon as possible, I went for 10. But they were clearly not finished. I even waited for the oven to preheat before I popped them in. (The nerve!) So I let them go another two minutes, but they still looked raw. I consulted the missus. She suggested that I let them go another two minutes.

Now I have heard that one definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. I shared this lore with my bride, but she did not appreciate it too much. After two more minutes, I removed the cookies. She was correct, so if she kills me, don’t let her plead insanity.

The instructions went on to say to let them cool for 15 minutes. Va snagged two right off the cookie sheet immediately. I told her about the instructions. She lef the kitchen with both cookies. I attempted to take the moral high ground by waiting for 15 minutes. The smell was nudging me in the direction of insanity. Oooaaaat meeeeaaaal raaaaiiiisinnnnn.~~~

After five minutes Jonathan suggested that perhaps the box had intended to recommend 5 minutes rather than 15. We decided that this must be the case, and we had been plenty moral about the whole affair, so we tested it out.

I gently lifted two oatmeal raisin wonders from the cookie sheet and held one in each hand. They seemed to hold up pretty OK. I took a bite. Yummm. I polished off the cookie in the left hand in short order, and then decided that I much preferred the feeling of having one cookie in each hand, rather than just one cookie in one hand. So I grabbed another. Much better (num, num, num).

Again, I ate the cookie in the left hand and was left with only one cookie in one hand. By some miracle, I was able to eat the third cookie without holding a second cookie in the other hand (even knowing that an idle hand is the devil’s workshop). I was somehow able to resist the nearly overpowering temptation to eat a fourth cookie.

For that, I’ll wait until everyone else is in bed.