Tonight I decided to see if I could come up with the worst possible names for a dog. This started because I was trying to sweet talk Penny into not barking as my daughter took her bath (she always barks wildly when Beth’s in the tub). And what slipped out? How about “Oh, Woofers!”

Woofers. How uber-saccharinesque. I never used baby talk with my kids because I didn’t want them to think that was the proper way to speak and emulate that. But with Penny, there’s no risk in that happening, so sometimes… sometimes I pour it on.

Oh, Woofers!

Sometimes I also make myself retch. How can I salvage my dignity after such an utterance? It is most likely not possible. What if I post this action shot I took of Penny today:

Penny acting like a manly man's dog

Penny acting like a manly man's dog

Clearly, that is not good enough. What if I claimed to have discovered the worst possible name for a dog? Is there a worse name for a dog than Woofers? If you had a large dog named Woofers, would you be required to get a small one as well so you could name it “Tweeters?” Maybe! And if you did that, you would need a tom cat named “Dolby” (as in “Thomas Dolby”) as well.

Actually, that would be kind of cool. Anyhow. I guess I need to go repair a chainsaw or watch sports or build a trebuchet now. You know. Something manly.